If you thought the willpower you harnessed to skip out on freshly baked
cookies or the pizza your friends ordered was helping you lose weight,
you might want to rethink that. It turns out even smelling those
calorie- and carb-rich foods could be messing with your waistline.
According to a new UC Berkeley study published this week in Cell
Metabolism, your sense of smell is linked to weight gain, possibly
because the smell determines whether your body stores fat or burns it
off.
“Sensory systems play a role in metabolism,” said senior study author
Andrew Dillin, the Thomas and Stacey Siebel Distinguished Chair in Stem
Cell Research and professor of molecular and cell biology. “Weight gain
isn’t purely a measure of the calories taken in; it’s also related to
how those calories are perceived.”
Researchers put mice into three groups — “super-smellers” that have a
boosted sense of smell, those with a temporarily disabled sense of smell
and a control group — and had them eat the same, high-fat “Burger King
diet.”
The mice with the superior sense of smell gained the most weight,
doubling in size, while those who couldn’t smell gained a maximum of 10
percent of their body weight. The control group gained less than the
super-smellers, but more than the non-smellers.
This study points to a key connection between olfaction — our sense of
smell — and to not only to appetite, but also to metabolism. Food you
can’t smell likely gets burned instead of being stored as fat, while
food that stimulates your nasal senses likely gets stored, hence the
added weight gain. In other words, those who can’t really smell the
beefy, cheese goodness of a Taco Bell Chalupa, are probably metabolizing
it significantly better.
But that doesn’t mean you should go plugging up your nose to lose
weight. Researchers pointed out that it’s common for people who’ve lost
their smell sense due to old age, diseases like Parkinson’s or injuries
to become depressed and stop eating.
Instead, using these new findings, science may be able to find a way to
help “super-smellers” as well as those who have lost their sense of
smell properly stabilize their metabolism. “If we can validate this in
humans, perhaps we can actually make a drug that doesn’t interfere with
smell but still blocks that metabolic circuitry. That would be amazing,”
Dillin said. “For that small group of people, you could wipe out their
smell for maybe six months and then let the olfactory neurons grow back
after they’ve got their metabolic program rewired.”
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Rhyl County Court where the judge ruled the daughter must live with her father (Picture: Google Street View)
A family court judge has ruled that a teenage girl must live with her
father after her parents took opposite sides while her brother was on
trial for raping her.
The girl, now 15, will live with her father who gave evidence for
prosecutors when her brother went on trial at Caernarfon Crown Court.
Her mother gave evidence for the defence and the brother was found guilty and given a prison sentence.
Judge Gareth Jones concluded that she can live with her father but must be supervised by social services.
Nobody can legally be identified and the brother’s age was not
revealed in the case at a family court hearing in Rhyl, Denbighshire.
Judge Jones said the girl was ‘loyal’ to her father.
But he said the youngster had to remain under the umbrella of social services staff.
He said social workers must remain vigilant.
Starbucks’ Mulled Fruit – Grape with Chai, Orange and Cinnamon Venti contains 25 cubes of sugar (Picture: SWNS). There are staggering amounts of sugar found in high street chain’s hot drinks.
Campaign group Action on Sugar said that there is ‘dangerously’ high
sugar content in some flavoured coffees and other hot drinks.
The charity performed analysis on 131 hot flavoured drinks and found
that 98 per cent of the drinks tested would receive a red nutritional
value label for high sugar content.
A third of the hot drinks tested contain the same amount or more sugar
than Coca Cola – which contains nine teaspoons of sugar per can,
according to the group’s spokesperson.
The drinks assessed included flavoured coffees like mochas and lattes,
hot fruit drinks and hot chocolates among others which are widely bought
from some of the UK’s best known coffee shops and fast food chains such
as Costa Coffee and Starbucks.
Costa Coffee Chai Latte Massimo contains 20 cubes of sugar (Picture: SWNS)
Starbucks’ Mulled Fruit – Apple with Chai, Orange and Cinnamon Venti contains 22 cubes of sugar (Picture: SWNS)
The Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream Venti contains 18 cubes of sugar (Picture: SWNS)
The drink which was found to have the highest sugar content was
Starbucks’ venti Grape with Chai, Orange and Cinnamon Hot Mulled Fruit,
which had a total of 25 teaspoons of sugar per serving, the campaign
group said.
Costa’s massimo eat-in Chai Latte was found to contain 20 teaspoons of
sugar while Starbucks’ venti White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream
was found to have 18, a spokesman added.
KFC’s mocha and Starbucks’ Signature Hot Chocolate both had 15 Teaspoons
of sugar per serving while Caffe Nero’s drink-in Caramelatte had 13,
Action on Sugar said.
Professor Graham MacGregor, chair of Action on Sugar, said: ‘This is yet
again another example of scandalous amount of sugar added to our food
and drink.
‘David Cameron now has all the evidence to make the UK the first country
in the world to stop the obesity and type 2 diabetes epidemic.’
Many of the hot drinks contain more sugar than a can of coke (Picture: Alamy)
Action on Sugar researcher Kawther Hashem added: ‘Coffee shop chains
must immediately reduce the amount of sugar in these hot drinks, improve
their labelling and stop selling the extra-large serving sizes.
‘These hot flavoured drinks should be an occasional treat, not an “everyday” drink.
‘They are laden with an unbelievable amount of sugar and calories and are often accompanied by a high sugar and fat snack.
‘It is not surprising that we have the highest rate of obesity in
Europe. Our advice to consumers is to have a plain hot drink or ask for
your drink to contain a minimal amount of syrup, preferably sugar free,
in the smallest serving size available.’
Sugar intake
According to the NHS, added sugars shouldn’t make up more than 5 per
cent of the calorie intake you get from food and drink each day.
This amounts to about 30g of sugar a day for those aged 11 and over.
A Starbucks spokeswoman said: ‘Earlier this year we committed to reduce
added sugar in our indulgent drinks by 25% by the end of 2020.
‘We also offer a wide variety of lighter options, sugar-free syrups and
sugar-free natural sweetener and we display all nutritional information
in-store and online.’
While Kerry Parkin, head of communications at Costa, added: ‘Costa takes
the nutritional balance of our food and drink very seriously and we
have already taken significant steps to reduce the sugar content of our
ranges.
‘We intend to continue improving the balance of our product offerings
while maintaining the high quality and great taste our customers expect.
This April we will be setting salt and sugar reduction targets for
2020.’
The spread of the existence and acceptance of reported “hurt
feeling offenses” across college campuses is something that is a
disturbing trend. Colleges are institutes of learning, and what they
teach students with these programs is entitlement and to be thin skinned
and thick-headed. When students are taught to scream for privileges
based upon their contrived minority components, they later become adults
with the same insistence. They are being taught to be demanding pains
in the neck, social malcontents, and agitators, in other words,
lifelong Democrats.
The hurt feelings police at the University of Portland in
Portland, Oregon have a new tool and a lower bar for infractions which
will enable them to issue “I Feel Sad” citations to students who dare to
inflict reality upon the university’s whiny cocoon larvae. While they
may not yet be butterflies, it is important to the school that they have
every means available to act like they are. What kind of butterflies,
you might wonder? Moths who see themselves as Monarchs.
The University has launched a new web page for whiners
called “Speak Up.” Students are encouraged to report any of the things
that they would just have to deal with in the real world. While it’s
called “Speak Up,” what it really should say is “Shut up or get a
citation.”
The website states,
“We ask members of our community to SPEAK UP and report alleged
incidents of discrimination and incidents of discomfort regarding
observed or experienced interactions of intolerance.” Does intolerance
include reporting somebody to the hurt feelings police for being
intolerant? Intolerance of intolerance would seem to be implicit in
every report. Is there a point of ridiculousness that invalidates claims
of intolerance?
Rachel Barry-Arquit, the UP director of marketing and communication, stated,
“The University of Portland takes seriously its responsibility to
provide an inclusive environment for all members of our community.”
The campus newspaper, the Beacon, reports it was the
recognition that “students of color feel isolated on campus” through the
widespread presence of “microaggressions” on campus that promoted the
need for the new program. There’s nothing like forcing people to be
interviewed by cops over some ridiculous preference seeking to make them
want to invite the liberal crybabies into their circle. How did we ever
survive as a species before all of these egghead control freak liberals
saved us from ourselves? Were microagressions really macroagressions
before the liberal cavalry rode in side-saddle?
In order to keep the options open for as many reports of the most
inane nature to be made, the creators of the site use the term
“incidents of discomfort” which they say “were intentionally broad as
each person within the community would likely describe a different
situation or experience that would define that description.”
Is being white sufficient to warrant a discomfort ticket if
some offended fairy is uncomfortable being around them? Will white
people report being intimidated by Black Lives Matters types standing
and chanting their hate speech? Will white folks even bother to report
what is too stupid for anyone other than an agenda driven agitator to
report? Will false corroborating stories like the poop swastika be used
to in an effort to garner some accommodation? Sure they will, and then
they’ll build on it. That’s the whole point.
Promoters of the site said,
“[W]e strive to promote a safe environment where all people can live,
work, and learn. We ask all of our students, faculty, and staff for a
willingness to enter into conversations that celebrate the backgrounds
of all people and foster an inclusive community.”
Celebrate the background of white people; really, they’re
going to do that? Of course not, they only celebrate non-whites, unless
they happen to be Muslim or an Hispanic White person. For the white
people who built this nation, what’s there to celebrate?
Those who don’t celebrate deserve to have the feelings
police called on them. They’re just mean, hateful, and intolerant. And
they haven’t been given permission to talk.
Kanye West seems to be a man many love to hate, and lately,
he’s surely giving everyone reason to do so. After the announcement of
his “crippling” $53 million debt, followed by a tweeter-tantrum begging
for money, Pizza Hut decided to serve him a piece of humble pie. Not
only was it priceless, it was hot — and he definitely got burned.
Yesterday, we reported
on the celebrity’s attempt to panhandle on the Internet, begging for
money and even going as far as to say money is better spent on him than
schools for underprivileged children in Africa, despite the fact he’s
one of the highest paid entertainers in the world.
However, the worst little tidbit was that while he’s asking
for other people’s money, he’s house hunting — with his eye on a $20
million Hidden Hills mansion. So, it’s no wonder people have wanted to
call him out on this disgusting display of liberal mentality.
That’s where Pizza Hut comes in, and boy, did they dish out some nice, hot humble pie, and people are eating it up.
@kanyewest Please give us a call about your job application. Thanks.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that humble pie is something
Kanye can swallow, and with his liberal mentality, it’s not likely
something he’ll even understand.
Also for anyone that has money they know the first rule is to use other people's money.
Sounds to me that he has the song of the liberal down pat
and sings it quite well. Funny, liberals always think they’ll just take
money from the rich to help the poor, yet here’s one of their rich
asking for more.
If I spent my money on my ideas I could not afford to take care of my family. I am in a place that so many artist end up.
Maybe he’s referring to the new mansion he wants to buy. It
must be a struggle to afford it with all the debt he has. Isn’t that
sad?
But why should we care? Well, actually we should. This is
the type of “role model” and very “public figure” influencing the next
generation of voters. It’s no wonder Bernie Sanders, an avowed
socialist, is gaining traction quickly because of the mentality
displayed by these liberal tools. When liberals fall on hard times, they
don’t change their spending habits to get by, they beg and take from
others, even going as far as to blast someone for helping
underprivileged children in Africa rather than giving them a handout so
they don’t lose their mansion.
This is what we’re up against this year with this election.
We have a slew of youth ready to cast their vote at the candidate
promising the most free stuff, and even their rich celebrities seem to
think that’s the way the world should work. This isn’t about crying
Kanye — this is about all of his followers who he’s infecting with this
mindset, who will then head to the voting booth. Now, that’s scary.
After her devastating loss to Holly Holm back in November,
Ronda Rousey has since come forward to say that she contemplated
suicide. Luckily, she didn’t do anything rash and has since come forward
to explain why she ruled out the thought completely.
Now, most of us remember Rousey’s upset loss during the UFC
193 in Melbourne, Australia to challenger Holly Holm, but no one took
the outcome harder than the former UFC Champion herself. As it turns
out, things got so bad for her that she actually contemplated suicide
for a short time.
While appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show recently,
Rousey spoke openly about her loss and what it did to her. “Honestly,
my thought in the medical room, I was sitting in the corner and was
like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?'” Rousey said. “Literally
sitting there thinking about killing myself. In that exact second, I’m
like, ‘I’m nothing. What do I do anymore? No one gives a s— about me
anymore without this.'”
Luckily, she didn’t do anything to act on those thoughts, and her relationship with UFC heavyweight Travis Browne
was what ultimately got her through the moment. “I looked up and saw my
man, Travis, was standing there,” Rousey said. “I’m looking up at him
and was just like, ‘I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.'”
Although when that’s going to happen is still up in the air,
Rousey states that she’s determined to get back on her feet. She hopes
to reenter the octagon this November in a rematch against Holm. Hoping
to take back the belt she believes is rightfully hers, Rousey also notes
that she’s done a lot of reflection on what actually happened.
“I did a lot of thinking on, why did this happen? I do
believe all the best things come from the worst things. The worst things
result in the absolute best things. I was trying to think, what is the
reason for this and what my actual purpose is — and maybe just winning
all the time isn’t what’s best for everybody.
“I felt like maybe my role is, everyone has their moment of
picking themselves off the floor. I’ve gone through several of mine, but
no one had ever seen me go through it. Maybe I just needed to be that
example of picking myself off the floor for everyone. Maybe that’s what
I’m meant for. I really do believe I’m still undefeated because being
undefeated is a choice. Everybody has losses in their life, but I choose
to always be undefeated.”
There’s quite a bit of haters out there when it comes to
Rousey, and they wanted her to be knocked down a peg. In short, that’s
essentially what Rousey eventually went on to say. Now, all she has to
do is pick herself up and get back at it if she wants what’s hers. I
don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be the person
standing between her and her goals.
A high number of woman were allegedly sexually attacked in Cologne (Picture: EPA)
Only three of 58 people arrested so far following sex attacks in Cologne were actually refugees, it’s been revealed.
Migrants had been closely scrutinised after police received 1,054
complaints, including 600 for theft, from people who claimed to have
been victims of sexual assaults on New Year’s Eve.
But so far only two people from Syria and one person from Iraq have
been detained, although most of the suspects came from countries such as
Tunisia, Algeria and Morocco.
Only a small amount of people arrested so far were refugees (Picture: EPA)
German chancellor Angela Merkel was criticised for her refugee policy
following the alleged attacks in Cologne and has since been trying to
reassure citizens about her decision to take a lot of people in.
Ulrich Bremer, Cologne public prosecutor, released the statistics on arrest to newspaper Die Welt.
The city’s new police chief Jurgen Mathies added the techniques used
on New Year’s Eve probably came from other countries because he hadn’t
seen them in Germany.
He also said the attacks were probably not premeditated.
Crowds of people watched the public execution in Mosul, Iraq.
The Sun
ISLAMIC State raped four Iraqi women before stoning them to death for ‘committing adultery’, according to local news reports.
The jihadis arrested the victims after they claimed to have caught them in the act.
At
an ISIS-led sharia court they were sentenced to death by stoning,
without the court mentioning any details of the men they had reportedly
had sex with.
Media activist Abdullah al-Malla told ARA News: “The
four women were most likely exposed to sexual abuse at the hands of
ISIS militants before being driven out of their homes and transferred to
the Sharia Court.
The death sentence was handed down by an ISIS-led sharia court.Source:Supplied
“Apparently, the victims have been raped by ISIS jihadis and then stoned to death on charges of committing adultery.”
And
Nineveh media centre spokesman Raafat Zarari told ARA News: “The
jihadis claimed to have captured the women while committing adultery.
“The four women were stoned to death in front of a large crowd of people in central Mosul.”
Under sharia law, married men or women who commit adultery can be stoned to death.
Those who are not married can expect a punishment of being flogged.
Legendary rocker Ted Nugent is an outspoken conservative
who’s never been afraid to speak his mind regardless of whether or not
people would be offended by what he has to say. But he also has quick
wit, and it was evident in a story he shared about visiting a Muslim
bookstore in Chicago.
While it’s only a joke, Nugent’s post
has been resonating with conservatives across Facebook, garnering over
60,000 shares, hundreds of thousands of “likes,” and thousands of
comments. After reading it, you’ll realize why.
Now that’s some funny stuff, isn’t it? Most jokes are based
in some sort of truth, and it’s a pretty safe bet that if someone were
to do such a thing, it would play out pretty much as Nugent expects.
If there’s one thing that Nugent is good at, it’s ruffling
the feathers of those easily offended. If that was his aim with what he
posted, then I would say he hit the bullseye, wouldn’t you?
There has been a noticeable increase in divisiveness across
the nation as news reports are flooding the Internet with stories of
violence and murder. There is an obvious tension in the air as
individuals have been extremely wary after the violent attacks on law
enforcement recently and calls for violence against white people by hate
groups. With all these threats of violence, a surprising situation
arose when a security guard, hired to protect the store and its
customers, viciously attacked a patron due to his choice of payment.
According to reports, the unidentified victim attempted to
purchase his groceries at a Whole Food Market with a food stamp card,
which the cashier denied. The cashier and the victim then argued over
the payment method, which was witnessed by Zoe Marks, a customer in the
store.
Marks took to Facebook to document the harrowing experience:
“In Oakland less than four hours and I just saw a
young man violently assaulted by an armed security guard at Whole Foods
— slammed repeatedly against concrete pillars, put in a chokehold,
restrained, and suffocated until he was thrown face down on the pavement
unconscious, the guard locked him out of the store despite the fact he
was immobile. Not a single employee called the paramedics. He was trying
to buy groceries with his EBT card and ended up in a stretcher.”
You can see the post below, including photos. However, you should be
warned that viewer discretion is advised due to the violent nature of
the contents. Marks wrote about the customer, saying, “He wasn’t
shouting at anyone. He wasn’t violent or disruptive, there was no threat
from him to any of the customers or employees. (We) felt safe until the
security guard attacked him.”
The victim in a pool of blood outside the store
Beth Krauss, a spokesperson for Whole Foods Market, released an email
stating that the company has a zero tolerance for violence.
“Whole Foods Market considers the safety
and security of all team members, customers and members of our community
a top priority, while we move swiftly to gather the facts, we want to
make it clear that Whole Foods Market takes a zero tolerance approach to
violence.”
Since the incident, the security guard has been
permanently removed from working in any Whole Food Market store, and the
victim is in stable condition at a local hospital. Fired? He should be
arrested.
It is not clear if the cashier denied the food stamp card
since they did not accept that form of payment or if there was another
reason. The police are still investigating this vicious crime, but one
thing is evident, this seems to be a rather extreme response.
While there is a stigma in America when it comes to food
stamp users and the entitlement mentality, no one deserves to be beaten
senseless for trying to buy their groceries. I would bet this guy won’t
need food stamps after lawyering up and getting a nice settlement in
court that he’s absolutely entitled to.
H/T [Daily Mail]
[Image Credit Google Images/Facebook]
The events that transpired in Kansas City, Missouri this
past weekend has many people unnerved. After a 5-year-old boy got shot
and killed, a mother was devastated until a witness exposed the
nauseating truth.
An intoxicated Lisa Marie Hall had been arguing with her
boyfriend when she claimed an intruder entered the home and fatally shot
her 5-year-old son in the head. She forgot one minor detail, a witness
knew what really happened.
Initially, the story that Hall told police was that she and
her boyfriend had been arguing in the bedroom when another man, who she
knew as “504,” entered the home and threatened her. She explained that
she pushed the gun away, when a shot was fired and hit her son in the
chest. The boyfriend backed up Hall’s story, explaining to police that
Hall had purchased the handgun on Friday and that “504” was present in
the room.
Lisa Marie Hall’s 5-year-old son
Unfortunately for the couple, a witness who also lived
within the home told police the heartbreaking truth. They explained that
there “were no adults in the bedroom other than Hall and her
boyfriend,” according to Kansas City Star.
The witness recalled hearing the intoxicated couple “bickering” before
she heard a “pop” and saw Hall running down the hall with her son in her
arms screaming, “My baby, my baby!” The witness remembers the boyfriend
following right behind saying, “It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me. She pulled
it on me.”
Obviously, police were intrigued by the witness’s statement
and contacted Hall and the boyfriend to validate their story, when Hall
refused to talk until she had a lawyer. On the other hand, Hall’s
boyfriend confessed to lying in his original statement and explained
“that Hall was seated on a bed and her son was standing next to the
boyfriend. Hall allegedly pulled the gun from her waist and fired, and
the boy fell to the floor,” according to Kansas City Star.
Lisa Marie Hall
After investigating further and following up with the man
known as “504,” it was determined that the mother was responsible for
her child’s death. Hall has been charged with unlawful use of a firearm
and endangering the welfare of a child. Her bond has been set at
$150,000.
This woman is crazy, and it just goes to prove that a weapon
is only as dangerous as the person holding it. If you can shoot your
own child during an argument with your boyfriend, there is something
wrong with you. Regardless of her intent, she discharged a firearm in
the direction of her child. The fact that she was the one person who was
meant to protect and nurture this young boy, but is instead the sole
reason he’s no longer alive, is nauseating.
Manuals have to be the least-read pieces of text in the world.
Whether it's the safety handbook that came with your margarita machine
or the "How To Wear Your Uniform" booklet your Taco Bell manager gave
you during orientation, odds are it went right into the trash without a
second glance. And that's too bad, because it turns out they are often fucking insane.
#6. The Japanese Wii Safety Manual Is A Surreal Graphic Novel
Nintendo
Most safety manuals are for idiots and people who turn non-sex toys
into sex toys. They're mostly dull necessities to prevent lawsuits.
However, the Nintendo Wii's Japanese safety manual is a lovingly
illustrated adventure, starring the console as it discovers all the ways
it can kill or be killed.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii will punish the weak.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii will break the hearts of the pathetic.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii will not play Jedi with you.
Nintendo Hint: Only one part of Nintendo Wii is food. This is not it.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii is eight months sober, and you've now ruined everything.
The detail they put into showing you the dangers of the Nintendo Wii
is truly amazing. It exists in a world in which every consumer owns
dozens of electronic devices, yet they still went to these lengths to
tell you not to smash it, fill it with fluids, or jam your fingers into
it.
Nintendo Warning: Do not pressure Nintendo Wii to smoke.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii will kill the very stupid. See if it won't.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii was not bluffing. Watch as Nintendo Wii harvests.
Nintendo Warning: Nintendo Wii is starting to think that you're trying to hurt yourself.
Nintendo Warning: Luck? Fuck you, Nintendo Wii makes its own luck.
#5. The Buffalo Bills Are Strict About What Cheerleaders Can Do With Their Vaginas, Other Orifices
Joe Robbins/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
Professional athletes are never off the clock. Whether they are on
the field, in the press room, or leading the cops on a high-speed chase,
they are representing their team at all times. In return, the team pays
them well and keeps their brain damage a secret. Cheerleaders -- NFL or
otherwise -- are no exception to this scrutiny. Thus, most teams have a
book of guidelines for cheerleaders that read like they come from
antiquated finishing schools. The guidelines include rules on how to
behave in public, how to accessorize, and how to keep one's genitals
free of infection. We are not joking about any of those.
Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images Might want to save that last one for the player's handbooks.
For instance, in their handbook, the Bills' cheerleaders (the *ugh*
Jills) are told in excruciating detail how and when to put in a tampon.
It tells them what size they need to get, and how to clean their
vaginas afterwards. It's almost as if the organization recruits their
cheer squad from a talent pool of girls who spent the last six years
screaming, "Blood!? Blood! Why!?" from forgotten prison cells: 12. When menstruating, use a product that's right for your
menstrual flow. A tampon too big can irritate and develop fungus. A
product left in too long can cause bacteria or fungus buildup. Products
can be changed at least every four hours. Except when sleeping, they can
be left in for the night.
Besides the impossible number of menstruation tips, the ... sigh ... "Jills" have 15 "glamour requirements"
that forbid tattoos, two-toned hair, trendy roots, non-ear piercings,
and penciled-on eyebrows. And if you're going to wear hair extensions,
no one had better goddamn see those hair extensions. It sounds
like being a Jill is about as demeaning as sitting on pudding for webcam
subscribers -- and it pays way, way less.
Brett Carlsen/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images Plus, you're forced to watch the goddamn Bills.
The guide gives tips on addressing the handicapped, table etiquette,
and changing your underpants after a workout. And unless you were raised
by wolves without books or television, it wobbles between obvious and
insulting: 14. Do not be overly opinionated about anything. Do not complain
about anything -- ever hang out with a whiner? It's exhausting and
boring. 13. Clean/rinse razor often while shaving. Especially after going to a new "area." Change razors often, they harbor bacteria. 16. Wash your feet daily! This will help control foot odor &
keep fungus from developing in toenails. Cotton socks also help with
odor. Nylons and nylon socks create sweaty feet which creates odor.
3. When trying to "capture" a small piece of food onto a utensil,
it is acceptable to use another utensil for aiding it aboard. Never use
your fingers.
Get it together, ladies! This is the NFL you're representing here.
#4. Abercrombie & Fitch Makes Oddly Specific Demands Of Its Air Crew
Abercrombie & Fitch
It's no great secret that under CEO Michael Jeffries, the Abercrombie & Fitch corporate culture was, to put it mildly,
a nightmarish cavalcade of sociopathic superficiality that built a
fashion empire on misery and oppression. So maybe it's no surprise that
while on board the corporate jet, Jeffries forced his employees to
adhere to 47 pages of creepily specific rules.
His company's aircraft manual included instructions on how the
stewards needed to dress, down to the exact button and type of
underwear. It also required them to "spritz their uniforms with
Abercrombie & Fitch 41 cologne upon arrival ... and throughout the
duration of the shift." There is so much cologne on an Abercrombie &
Fitch flight attendant that the ionosphere now smells like a frat
party.
Abercrombie & Fitch "Fuck your ozone layer."
The manual spends as much time telling the staff how to dress, walk, and speak as it does on how to keep the plane functioning.
We only know this because the manual became famous after it was
submitted as evidence in a lawsuit against Jeffries. He fired a
38-year-old pilot for being too old, and this manual made that outlandish claim seem completely reasonable. Throughout the text, there are a bunch of rules that make it painfully clear that Jeffries doesn't regard his staff as living, breathing human beings. Or at least, not adult
human beings -- rules forbid everything from touching the silverware
with their bare hands, to wearing a coat unless it's below 50 degrees.
Abercrombie & Fitch "What, and hide that bod?"
It's bizarrely, pointlessly evil. For instance, the crew can't eat
hot meals if the passenger has chosen the cold option, and they can't
eat at all unless the flight is longer than two hours. And to make matters worse -- maybe even worst
-- Jeffries dictated that every flight back to his estate must play the
song "Take Me Home" by Phil Collins. Coincidentally, that last sentence
was the top answer to Hell Family Feud's survey, "Name something even The Devil wouldn't do."
#3. A Firefighter Handbook Has A Lot To Say About Space Monsters
Thinkstock Images/Stockbyte/Getty
Do you ever wonder how many health and safety codes Will Smith
violates when he opens a UFO and welcomes an alien to Earf with a
barehanded punch? Probably not. So it's a good thing that America's fire
departments have just the book to deal with that situation: the Fire Officer's Guide to Disaster Control.
Fire Engineering Books "Step One: Never read this book."
Amid hundreds of pages of useful, proven techniques to increase
public safety, there suddenly comes "Chapter 13: Enemy Attack and UFO
Potential." It features a section called, "The UFO Threat -- A Fact,"
and another one called, "Adverse Potential of UFOs." Thirteen pages of
this official safety protocol manual are dedicated to dealing with alien
attacks, which is exactly 13 more than a reader would normally expect.
The authors, Dr. Michael Kramer and Charles Bahme, are both retired
fire chiefs, and they put their heads together to develop the best ways
to deal with time distortions, force fields, and telepathy -- or what
emergency responders refer to as "fucking what!?"
Purestock/Purestock/Getty Images The whole thing serves as a warning for what four decades
of daily smoke inhalation can do to the brain.
And no, this was not inserted as a funny joke to see if FEMA actually
reads material before distributing it. This is a clinical guide to
foiling space troubles. For instance, if an alien race has crashed into a
corn field, the guidebook advises you to approach the vessel with
happy, cooperative thoughts and let them telepathically tell you how
best to aid their recovery. That's the book's brilliant plan: Hope that
the hypothetical aliens magically send instructions into your brain.
It's almost as if the reader could have figured that out without this humiliatingly stupid, imaginary thing being added to a book about saving real lives.
??????? ????????/iStock/Getty "We thank you for your help, Earth being! We could use a tow truck and *snicker*,
and for you to sit on these probes for an hour while we *snicker* spin them."
#2. Target Encourages Its Managers Not To Use The Racism Used In Their Training Manual About Racism
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images
It's strange for racism to show up in a corporate training document
in a section specifically designed to prevent racism, but prejudice can
be sneaky like that. You can reveal weird assumptions you hold about
groups even when you're trying to be nice. For instance, in a Target manual
on cultural sensitivity, they explain to their employees that Latinos
are just like you and me. If you're wondering what they mean by that,
here are some fun Target facts about Latinos: a. Food: not everyone eats tacos and burritos;
b. Music: not everyone dances to salsa;
c. Dress: not everyone wears a sombrero;
Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images "Note: Some may even look like normal white customers. Be observant."
These seem like questions Donald Trump would use in a mock
Presidential debate, but they were in fact used to train Target
employees to be less racist. And just to see if it worked, close
your eyes and imagine meeting a Latino. There he is, meeting you. Now,
open your eyes and look six inches up. That Latino is not standing under
a sombrero. Oh, did we blow your mind? Congratulations, you're a
racist.
Kevin Schafer/Moment Mobile/Getty Images "YOU LIED TO ME, YOU SON OF BITCH!"
The document goes on to explain how Latinos probably don't speak
English and might only be saying "OK, OK" to avoid embarrassment. They
don't really know what the hell you're talking about. And remember what
you learned about their food? It's possible that right now, their body
is zero percent burrito. ZERO PERCENT. We hope it hurts to unravel
everything you thought you knew, you racist.
To be clear, technically everything the manual says is true. "Latinos
don't all dance to salsa" is true, in the same way that it's true that
not every Target executive goes into their stores and has sex with the
pillows each night. In other words, it's not that the executives are
racist, but that they think their store managers absolutely are.
Chris Hondros/Getty Images News/Getty Images "This baby is 1080p. And before you ask: No, we don't take food stamps."
The manual was obviously a PR nightmare, and the ironic thing is that
the world only found out about the document after three Hispanic
employees were fired by a racist manager and sued the company.
The best part is the reason for which they were fired: They complained
about the racism in this exact document. Let's hope Target learns from
this experience and adds "suing your boss for racism" to the list of
things not done by every Latino.
#1. Jhana Employee Manual Blames Sexual Harassment On Women Asking For It
Jhana
Unlike the Buffalo Bills, not every corporation can afford to hire
Mary Poppins to write an in-house employee handbook on table manners and
vagina maintenance. That's why many companies outsource the job to
places that deal exclusively with training guides. Jhana
is one of the leading online employee training services, and is used by
such corporate giants as Google and Ask.com. One of their major selling
points is that they offer a weekly digest of new entries to its
ever-expanding library of employee manuals. Every time a genius
douchebag invents an all-new way to describe his co-worker's heaving
breasts, Jhana works to add an entry about why it's harmful to the
workplace environment.
Medioimages/Photodisc/Photodisc/Getty Images "'R2-TripleD2s' takes care of Star Wars; on to the Lord Of The Rings puns."
Unfortunately, nothing screws up a system like humans. And some of
Jhana's "educators" seem to have a very antiquated approach to dealing
with harassment in the workplace.
For instance, an entry called "What if a male colleague gets the wrong
idea?" implies that if a woman dresses modern, makes jokes, has a
girlish voice, or smiles at a man, she should expect him to come lunging
at her penis-first. Here's an excerpt: Be consistent and consistently genuine. If you act the same way --
always professional, but also always like yourself -- around everyone,
the problematic colleague will be less likely to get the idea that
you're coming on to him.
We don't have any Aristotelian scholars on staff, but we are almost
positive this isn't logic. If you treat problematic colleagues exactly
how you would non-problematic colleagues, that only takes away their
problem if you are the source of it. Which would mean that this
guide is only useful for women who want to be sexually harassed, so
preventing it would be paradoxically the exact thing they didn't want.
You add a robot to this paragraph, and you have yourself a shitty
Terminator sequel.
Paramount Pictures No, another one.
Here's some more great advice from the same guide: In a perfect world, women would feel free to dress however they
want without being stigmatized for it. But know that revealing clothing
and certain verbal tics, such as ending statements with an upward
inflection in your voice or struggling to accept a compliment, can
affect others' ability to take you seriously.
That's right: Any woman who struggles with compliments and has upward
inflections in her voice deserves everything she gets and more. The
article even goes full survival bunker toward the end, advising women to
avoid one-on-one situations with anyone carrying compatible genitals
and to always travel in packs. It's advice you'd give a woman
auditioning for a swimsuit calendar shoot she saw on Craigslist, not to
an account executive who laughs too invitingly at jokes. For more of Cedric Voets' attempts at witticisms or his famous recipes for toilet wine, do follow him on Twitter. He also has a blog, just like you! Insanity often turns up in the most unassuming of places. Like
Trey Parker's long-standing grudge with an ex that he reveals on some
DVD bonus content. Read about it in 5 Hilariously Awkward Meltdowns Hidden on DVD Commentaries. Or all the terrible lessons lurking in kids' books. See what we mean in 5 Classic Children's Books With Horrible Hidden Messages.
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