6 Insane Military Training Techniques Designed To Break You

By Michael Hossey

When you think about training for the military, you probably imagine bald dudes jogging in perfect formation, crawling under barbed wire, and getting inventive nicknames spit into their faces by their superiors. In reality, military training techniques vary a lot from country to country: Some are insanely elaborate, some are insanely cruel, and some are fine just being plain old insane.

#6. South Korea And China Force Soldiers To Have Shirtless Snow Fights

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Even though it's been several decades since there's been an actual military campaign between the two nations, North and South Korea are still technically at war. However, South Korea might be taking the whole "cold war" thing a little too literally:

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It's a little-known fact that, when exposed to extreme cold, Koreans turn into that
douchey guy your sister dated in high school.

Each winter, more than 200 of South Korea's finest Special Forces soldiers travel to the icy region of Pyeongchang to train in negative-30-degrees Celsius. For those of you who measure temperature with an F instead of a C, that figure converts to "nipple-chafing ice planet." Once they've all stripped down to half-nakedness (presumably so that said nipples can be used as bayonets), the Winter Olympic Games of the South Korean Special Forces begin. In addition to the marathon above, events include wrestling:

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Everyone's wrestling name is "Stone Cold." Ah cha cha.

Gymnastics:

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That, or Korea is being invaded by the aliens from The Thing.

And, of course, the after-party:

Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images News/Getty Images
This is right after they were told the Jonas Brothers were coming to perform.

They even throw snowballs at each other's bare chests as part of the training, because South Korea is deeply committed to its reputation as the quirky little brother of the Koreas.
This type of training isn't exclusive to South Korea, though: Chinese soldiers go to the border of Russia in sub-zero conditions to conduct similar drills, but with more dick-shrinking intensity and less snow-hurling frivolity.

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"Tire hurling is just as much fun."

The trainees crawl through the snow half-dressed, and they even bring along swords, because only a true champion can wield a decorative weapon in a forest of Christmas trees.

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Nuclear winter is coming.

#5. Taiwanese Marines Have To Crawl Across 50 Yards Of Pointy Rocks

Nicky Loh/Reuters

Taiwan is a nation famous for its flimsy electronics, but the quality of its soldiers is pretty top-notch. A big part of that is due to the fact that Taiwanese Marine Corps trainees can graduate only after they've passed the heroically named "Road To Heaven" -- a 50-yard course of rocks and jagged coral that they must writhe across on their stomachs, which as you may have noticed is the side of the body on which the penis is located.

The China Post
"Crawling," we believe some people call this action.

Oh, but simply dragging their maligned bodies through stabby protuberances (after nine weeks of intensive training) clearly isn't hardcore enough: Along the track, they also have to stop and perform certain exercises, all while suffering the abuses of instructors trained in the art of jeering.

Nicky Loh/Reuters
Worst slip 'n' slide ever.

This track will take most of the recruits between 15 and 20 minutes ... on the first try, anyway. If the instructors aren't satisfied by the recruits' performances, they'll generously grant them another go at leopard-crawling through jagged rock until they're so battered and bleeding that the existence of any other type of heaven (or the deities ruling it) is firmly disproved in their minds.

Nicky Loh/Reuters
A young Taiwanese soldier setting a PB in the 50-meter freestyle rock swimming.

It isn't all doom and gloom on the Road To Heaven, though. The trainees' families, wives, and children are all invited to come watch their squealing loved one scream bloody curses of forever hatred. The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but the Road To Heaven is lubed up with the tears of your family.
Once they've received first aid, which we assume includes being mummified in bandages, recruits who finish first get to return to the Road to sing military songs to encourage their comrades. Popular selections include "Somebody Please Kill Me," "Give Up And Run Now," "Nothing Is Worth This Agony," and the timeless classic, "Sweet Lord (My Dick Got Scraped Off On The Coral)."

#4. U.S. Marine Scout Snipers Have To Bathe In A Rancid Pond For A Month

Lance Cpl. Emmanuel Ramos

Ghillie suits are those stringy Chewbacca costumes your character wears while hurling digital bullets and devastating insults at complete strangers in Call Of Duty. Additionally, military snipers occasionally use them to blend in with their surroundings, allowing them to deal out sweet, sweet doses of freedom undetected. Now, how do you think the army procures these things? Amazon? eBay? The pelt of a mythical bird? Or do they just give the Marines a bunch of Endor outfits and tell them to jump in a big puddle of shit?
Believe it or not, that last one is pretty close to a correct answer: U.S. Marine snipers have to put on their suits and dive into the Pig Pond, a rancid pool of rotting vegetation and stagnant water. Repeatedly.

Via Discovery
"Hey. Hey, come on. Who's peeing? Jesus, people."

Sloshing around in the Pig Pond stirs up slime and mud which helps "deaden" the ghillie suits (as well as your soul) to stop them from reflecting light. Once you're sufficiently dripping with rotten slime, step two is dropping to the ground and getting some dirt all over your new duds. This part is important, because being seen with a new-looking ghillie suit is as almost as embarrassing as forgetting to take the clearance tag off of your new polo. Also, you'll be spotted by the enemy and shot, so there's that.

Via Discovery
There's always time to make muck angels.

Next: Muck-covered push-ups. Just because.

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They don't count unless every tendril touches the ground.

This process goes on for almost a month, until the Marines are more swamp than soldier. Once this dirt-poop fashion parade is finally over, the snipers are deemed ready for combat, ensuring only the grimiest bog monsters make it to the front lines.