By
Alexandra Martell
She knows everything — and she's honest.
She knows everything — and she's honest.
1. How to invest your 401(k).
Sure, you could pay for a financial adviser, but why do that when your
mom will help you understand targeted funds for free? Plus, she'll
probably even follow up in a few days by mailing you some articles she
cut out of the newspaper and a Starbucks gift card.
2. What you should do about that guy. You're
not sure if you should still be dating that dude, but your mom 100
percent has an opinion about it. If she hasn't told it to you
unprompted, she for sure will let you know if you ask — and she's got
your, and only your, interests at heart.
3. How to cook a chicken. How do you know if it's done? You could buy a meat thermometer, or you could call your mom.
4. If the expensive linens are worth it.
Is there really a difference between 500 and 600 thread count? What
about all the towels at Macy's that are wildly different in price but
all look exactly the same? She knows what's up.5. If she'll come take care of you when you're really sick. Because even if she's two planes and a train away, she'll be there to rub your back and make you soup.
6. How to get a stain out. Your mom basically has a chart for fabric make/stain type in her brain. She also knows if you really need to dry clean that "dry clean only" sweater.
7. How to do your taxes. The first year I did my own taxes, I used TurboTax and called my mom seven times. The second year, I called my mom once to ask for the name of her accountant. She was extremely helpful on all counts.
8. Negotiating for a job/raise. Not only has she gone through it all before, but she's also one of the few people you can get real about specific numbers with.
9. Whether or not you should buy that dress. There is only one woman on this earth who will be 100 percent honest — good and bad — with you about how you look in something, and her name is mom.
10. What to do about that thing you broke. That thing that belongs to your roommate that you don't know if you should replace silently, tell her about, or hope she doesn't notice.
11. Which health insurance plan to pick. No matter how many jobs you have, this will always be confusing for you. Not for your mom though.
12. What it was like being pregnant with you/becoming your mom. You probably asked this out of curiosity when you were little, but you'll get a way different answer in your 20s. Amy Poehler has an excellent chapter in her new book where she makes her mom write a letter about this and then encourages you to do the same. Do this. (And then write an article that you can use to publicly shame your mom for not doing this yet, even though you asked weeks ago. Hi, mom!)
13. How much to give as a gift at that wedding. And the best way to decline an invitation, and what to send to your friend whose father passed away, and every other etiquette dilemma you come across.
14. If she knows what One Direction is. Making fun of your mom for not knowing current pop culture references never gets old.
15. If you can have $20. This never gets old either.
16. Where your social security card and birth certificate are. You haven't lived at home for an entire decade and yet these things are still in her possession, not yours.
17. If you can do something together, just the two of you. Your mom loves the shit out of this idea and you haven't even come up with a plan yet.